


Guarded

by paintedwolf



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Audrey appears in text format, Duke is possibly suicidal, Duke needs a hug, Gen, Mentions Mara, Nathan delivers, Post 5X13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:44:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintedwolf/pseuds/paintedwolf
Summary: Post 5x13. AU.Duke is not okay.





	Guarded

**Author's Note:**

> A thing I found that I wrote in 2015 before Season 5b aired that's just been lying around on my computer

"You know what, Nate? Whatever you're about to say, don't bother. I don't wanna hear it."

Duke slid off the table and slipped on his button-up shirt. His whole being radiated surly and aggressive and _don't get in my way._

Nathan would have been more surprised at the belligerence if he hadn't spent close on a lifetime dealing with Duke and whatever they classified their relationship as. They hardly ever pulled punches physically _or_ verbally, even when the usual friction between them whittled down to little more than sarcasm and sniping. But Nathan recognized this behaviour. This was Duke upset enough for whatever reason that he felt it necessary to deflect with something more fierce than his normal cocky charm and wit, usually with the aim of pushing people away as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Nathan didn't always see it before the point where they started throwing punches- Duke was unfortunately just _that_ good at pressing his buttons.

He'd kind of been expecting it this time though because he'd seen the look on Duke's face when Dwight had hauled him out of there. Duke was definitely pissed- he'd had Duke's pissed off body language directed at him enough to know what it looked like- but about what he wasn't quite sure. Was it because they'd taken too long to come after him? Or was it that they rescued him at all?

Nathan couldn't help but fear it was the latter, but he'd also never had to confront a possibly suicidal Duke before. Sure, he'd known about Duke's plans to jump into the Thinny, but that was more pragmatic fatalism than actively trying to get himself killed.

He still wasn't sure why Audrey seemed to think he was better for this situation than anyone else, because right now he definitely felt out of his depth. Maybe she did have a point about the whole Duke not needing to be reminded of Mara right now and it was true that Nathan _had_ known him the longest.

But Nathan had always thought that any expertise he supposedly had on Duke Crocker was best suited to trading insults and exploiting his tells when they played poker, not to help deal with the emotional fallout of having been used and manipulated into unleashing an apocalyptic storm of Troubles on the town.

Still, he'd meant what he'd said when Duke had told him about his plans for Mara and he couldn't exactly call himself Duke's friend if he wasn't willing to at least try.

He folded his arms and straightened, a tacit indication that he wasn't backing down until they'd at least talked.

"Alright, then I won't. Gotta ask you one question, though."

Duke turned to face him fully, his body language a mirror of Nathan's own, even if slightly more guarded.

That didn't stop any of the bite in his next words, "Yeah? And what's that?"

Nathan leaned forward, "Just what the _hell_ were you thinking?"

Okay, so maybe that had come out a little more angry-sounding than he'd wanted, but this was Duke - it kind of came with the territory.

Duke actually blinked at that. It was a small thing, granted, but it was enough to know that he'd rattled him even a tiny bit.

Unfortunately, Duke was pretty good at rallying when he needed to and Nathan figured he'd been expecting at least something along these lines anyway, so he'd no doubt been prepared. Duke almost always came prepared.

The mask was back up in a second as Duke leaned forward, just as Nathan had done a minute ago, "I don't have to explain myself to you."

Fair enough. Nathan let his hands drop again. He didn't let the flash of irritation take him over. Getting into a fist fight wasn't going to help anything.

"You're right. You don't."

He shrugged, "You're a big boy. You can take care of yourself. I mean what would I care- what would _anyone_ care- that you're trying to get yourself killed."

"What are you talking about? You think I asked for this to happen?"

"Didn't look like you were doing much to get out of it."

"And did _you_ miss the part where I was tied to a chair getting the crap beat out of me? Nice work there, _detective."_

There couldn't have been more venom in the word if he'd tried.

"So pissing them off even more and then daring them to do it was just you calling their bluff? Trying to make them chicken out before they could do anything _real_ serious?"

Nathan couldn't stop his voice from rising. They were probably lucky there weren't many people came down this way and why the hell did they ever let Duke convince them to have Gloria take a look at him instead of checking into the hospital anyway? He hoped she and Audrey had at least gone for coffee or something.

From the way Duke was looking at him, Nathan was at least in the ballpark of being right. He almost had to fight the urge to smile at the small win, but Duke had dropped the cocky act completely by now.

"I didn't think you..." He said quietly, suddenly looking exhausted again, the way he'd been almost constantly for far too long now between his Trouble and Mara and Jennifer and all the rest of the crap that had swung his way recently.

Nathan's anger deflated, but not enough to stop the bitterness in his voice when he said, "Yeah, well, I did hear it."

Duke breathed out slowly, placing his jacket back from where he'd snatched it up. He patted it once absently before leaning against side of the steel examination table and turned his head to look at Nathan from over his shoulder.

"They've wanted me dead pretty much since my Trouble started. Part of me figured why not just give them what they want? It's not like anyone would mind getting rid of another Crocker, right?"

Even if Nathan had been anticipating this, hearing the words come out of Duke's mouth stung more than he wanted to admit. Going by the look on Duke's face- all hard lines again- it was meant to.

"You know that's not true."

"Isn't it?"

Duke seemed to be looking for reactions, trying to find out what hurt and what hurt worse.

More deflection. A way to try and throw Nathan off, that would have been more effective if it gave less of an impression that Duke was simply trying and failing not to fall to pieces behind a façade of lashing out. It was that; that same desolate, desperate look in his eyes that Nathan had seen before, just after Jennifer died, that restored some clarity to his thoughts. He'd been the one to talk Duke down from that, too.

Duke'd always had a pretty inscrutable poker face when he put the effort in and looking at him now, it had been in full effect lately. Nathan didn't know if he should be mad or impressed that he'd kept it up this long when he was clearly fraying around the edges, but however he was dealing, it apparently didn't involve using any even _remotely_ healthy coping mechanisms. _Frail_ was a word Nathan had only ever associated with Duke once before, when he'd first seen him in the hospital a few weeks back, but he was finding it hard to think of anything else that might describe him right now.

Nathan wasn't exactly a poster child of admirable methods of dealing with emotional issues himself, but even he could see how closed off Duke was lately. This wasn't just him being stubborn, either, this was Duke on the knife edge of completely reckless; if this conversation was teaching him anything, it was that someone needed to get through to him before they lost him to himself.

And Nathan wasn't prepared to let that happen again after they'd already almost lost him to Mara.

"No, it's not," he said firmly, "If you'd stop being such an _ass_ you'd see that. You've got friends, Duke. Actual people who really do give a damn whether you're dead or alive."

"Yeah? And where were these so-called friends after we got Audrey back and I was left to deal with…that _…bitch_ on my own?"

Duke's voice wavered near the end, tapered off entirely by the time he was done. His breathing was erratic, a little jerky even, and Nathan automatically took a half-step forward in case he keeled over or something. He had to work through the natural _shut it down_ reaction to words like barbs cutting through him to see how hard Duke was trying to hold it all together. He realized this was probably the closest to tears he'd seen him for…a very long time.

He closed his eyes, breathed in slowly, "Duke-"

He'd spent a lot of time, when Duke had been laid up, angry at him by way of feeling murderous toward Mara who, by virtue of already being dead couldn't be killed for what she'd done to him. Because somewhere in between the mess while the doctors had been trying to stabilise Duke, he'd honestly thought about wanting to do it, her current status be damned. He didn't, at the time, bother to consider very closely the reasons _why_ he'd had such a strong reaction to Duke's brush with death, outside of that he did in fact care.

But the longer Duke had taken to recover and the more he'd heard the phrase, "There isn't much else we can do for him," the more Nathan had started to think about what could have been done differently and damn if he hadn't wondered more than once if Mara would have been quite so successful if he'd had Duke's back more.

It wasn't until he'd found himself trying to _will_ Duke back to health, having exhausted every possible iteration of _selfish_ _bastard_ that had passed through his head and got no response that he had to face just how important Duke actually was to him.

He had always been an inconsistent constant in Nathan's life, the kind of paradox that only a man like Duke seemed capable of, dropping in and out of it just often enough to make it impossible for Nathan to imagine life without him.

He wanted to explain that, to remind Duke again that he wasn't as alone as he probably thought he was, but Duke was already talking.

"No, it's okay, Nathan. I shouldn't have said that. I- this isn't your fault. Just forget it."

He patted Nathan on the shoulder as he made to brush past, his face clear and the corner of his lips turning up in what might have been generously called a smile. Nathan had seen the genuine thing, and this was nowhere near that.

If it wasn't for the hollow voice, the look on Duke's face could have been described as peaceful; and that? That scared the crap out of Nathan more than anything else Duke could have thrown his way.

It had very nearly worked, too. Nathan had been so stunned momentarily by the abrupt change in mood, that he had almost let Duke just walk out of there.

Nathan reached for his arm as he slid around him, "Duke. Wait, dammit."

Blank. That's what Duke's expression was. And so entirely unlike him that, sense of feeling or no, it _hurt._ Nathan would have taken anything: fists, rage, an attack on every weak spot Duke knew to pick at, but not this.

"Just leave it, Nathan. I'm fine. Really."

"No, you're not. Look, you asked where your friends were when you needed them. Well, I'm here now, and I gotta believe it's not too late."

Duke sighed. It sounded like the sigh of a man twice his age.

"You always were a stubborn ass."

"Pot."

Duke seemed to fight with himself a moment longer, but it was half-hearted at best, an instinctive reaction to spending a lifetime protecting himself from exposing vulnerability to other people.

"Fair enough."

His breath shook when he inhaled, "Do you know why I didn't want to be back in the hospital?"

"Because even you can get your fill of pretty nurses waiting on you?"

Nathan knew it was a piss poor attempt at humor, but God, he couldn't take this shadow playing at Duke anymore.

Duke, contrary as always, paid him no attention. His eyes lost focus as he stared just past Nathan's shoulder.

"Almost every day I was here, there was some kind of disaster. The ER would be crawling with people because their houses spontaneously set on fire or store windows got blown out while they were walking down the street or they were attacked by their suddenly man-eating prize orchids.

"But, you know, that's pretty par for the course in this town. Except this time it's ten times worse than it ever was and it's my fault.

"But the one thing I couldn't stop thinking? What if next time it was you or Audrey or Dwight or…or _Gloria?_ And I can't _-"_

His eyes flicked back to Nathan's. "I can't lose anyone else, Nate. I-"

His voice shook so badly on the last word, it came out as just shy of a whimper and his breathing was so erratic now, Nathan suspected he was close to hyperventilating, which was in no way good for injured ribs. It was in no way good, period.

He grabbed Duke's shoulders, as a way to both ground him and pull him out of his thoughts. Nathan forced his own building panic aside. It wouldn't be good for either of them if he lost his shit now.

"Hey."

He shook his hands, just a little, and ducked his head to try and nudge Duke's focus back to himself, "No one's losing anybody alright? And whatever crap's going on out there? That is not your fault."

"But I-"

"Uh-uh. Listen to me. What happened with Mara- that's on her, not you. And whatever's broken in Haven, we will fix it. But Duke, getting yourself killed is _not_ the answer, you hear me? You don't have to do this alone."

It was that that finally seemed to hit home. There was a small huff of breath as Duke closed his eyes, his head twitching just slightly to the side. A tear slid out from under his closed eyelids.

A dozen ingrained instincts that reminded Nathan of how very not good he was at dealing with these kinds of things starting screaming at him to get the hell out of there. He stood his ground all the same, because this wasn't about him right now. He watched Duke carefully, transfixed, feeling like he was intruding while simultaneously not wanting to do anything to make him clam up again. His breath caught, trapped in his throat by a lump he couldn't feel, but knew was there all the same.

"Let it go," he said quietly, not recognizing his own voice, thick and heavy as it was with its own complicated mix of emotions.

Jesus. When on earth had he come to care about Duke _this damn much_?

Abruptly, Duke's hand drifted up to his face, fingers extending over the moisture he hadn't seemed to realize was there. He froze, his whole body going rigid and he jerked himself out of Nathan's grip so quickly, he stumbled back into the door. He held up hands that were shaking so violently Nathan could see it from where he was now a good few steps away.

Duke's eyes flicked back and forth over his fingers, "Oh god," he mumbled.

Nathan stumbled forward, wondering what the hell had just happened. One of Duke's hands slammed flat against the door, scrabbling clumsily for the handle, while the other stretched out in a very clear gesture of stay-the-fuck-away.

"Don't come near me!" he shouted, and Nathan actually reeled back a step, wondering how in the hell things had gone so wrong so fast.

"I can't...I don't want- _Please."_

Duke was doing little more than rambling now, and it took Nathan a few seconds- unbalanced as he was by yet another whiplash-fast change in mood- to figure out what was going on. When he did, he cursed Mara to the darkest depths of hell for reducing Duke to this.

He crept forwards, hands up. Duke tried to back away even more.

"Hey, easy. Easy. No black tears, alright? You're okay."

Nathan was reacting purely on instinct now, any semblance of sense and strategy having flown out the window in the face of Duke apparently having lost all reason. He reached out and carefully took hold of Duke's wrists, pushing his hands back up between them.

Duke flinched back, trying to break out of his grip. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me, Duke. Look at them. There's nothing there."

Duke did look, eyes sweeping over his hands again, this time more in confusion than the raw terror from before. He looked up as if asking for assurance that what he was seeing was real in a way that made Nathan wonder if Duke had seen things recently that _weren't_ real, side effects of mind-altering Troubles notwithstanding. It did absolutely _nothing_ to reassure him that Duke was anywhere _near_ fine no matter what he said.

"Sorry to break it to you, buddy, but I think you're fresh out of Troubles for the moment."

Duke sagged visibly, tilted his head back against the door, but even as he did, Nathan could see him trying to push it all down again. Before Nathan could really think about what he was doing, he hauled Duke forward, wrapping his arms around him in a way he’d only ever really done once recently. It was as awkward and uncomfortable as Nathan would have expected, and it took several moments before he saw Duke’s arms move up to reciprocate. Then Duke seemed to be clinging onto him for dear life if the way Nathan had to shift his balance was anything to go on.

He caught a hint of something- shampoo maybe- that smelled weirdly fruity as Duke spoke in a slightly muffled voice from somewhere near Nathan’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Ever since Mara told me what happens when I…get too upset, I’ve been trying to keep a lid on it. I didn’t want to risk infecting anyone else- making things worse. I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have lost control like that. I don’t even know if it’s gone.”

It hadn’t even really occurred to Nathan that the reason Duke had been so distant and indifferent lately was because he'd still been trying to contain his Trouble. They’d all simply taken it for granted that after everything else he’d let out, there wasn’t anything left to give. It was for that reason that he hadn’t even considered needing any extra damage control on that front. Looking back, he definitely shouldn’t have taken Duke at his word that everything was a-okay. The guy had been close to cracking even _before_ Mara had made him her own personal nuclear bomb. He’d had the concussion to prove it.

“Been bad, huh?”

Duke didn’t respond, which was answer enough. Goddamn stubborn fucking _Crocker_.

He sighed, “Let it _go,_  Duke.”

This time it was less a suggestion than it was an order, but Duke actually listened for once. Nathan saw his back heave just a second before the first sob escaped his throat, though the majority of the sound was lost to wherever Duke’s face was pressed into him. Nathan just stood there, still and silent, one hand pressed to the back of Duke’s head. He waited.

He didn’t know how long they were there in the end, couldn’t even dredge up enough energy to worry about what people would think if anyone walked in right now. He trusted Audrey would keep any potential prying eyes away from them, anyway.

Eventually Duke shifted, let out a huff of breath.

“Well. This has officially become embarrassing."

His voice was rough, or at least rougher than normal for Duke, but at least he sounded like _Duke_ again.

Nathan smiled, disguised it under a snort, remembered that Duke couldn’t actually see him right now.

“You’re the one clinging to me like some damsel in distress. Woulda thought we’d at least do a movie or something before you got your hands all over me.”

“Says the man who hugged me first. Wining and dining is more my style anyways.”

“You asking me out to dinner, Crocker?”

“You’re not pretty enough, Wuornos.”

Neither of them bothered to mention how they hadn’t let go just yet.

“Speaking of your style…still have any urges to go out and play Guard-bait?”

“Not really. I forgot what a bitch broken ribs can be.”

Nathan sympathised. He did actually know what broken ribs felt like. He’d fallen wrong once during a chase before his Trouble came back and ended up laid out for a week. And all the moving around Duke had done in the last while can’t have done them any favours.

“Good. Cause I _really_ didn’t want to have to find someone else to fill the role of giant pain in my ass.”

“You know I totally would have haunted you.”

“Yeah, well. If it’s all the same, I’d rather have the real thing.”

“That sounds vaguely dirty.”

“Don’t be such a smartass."

When Duke started laughing, Nathan couldn’t help joining in, though if he was honest, it was more because he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Duke laughing until he’d stopped doing it.

“Yeah, okay. Ow. Reminder not to do that again.”

Duke let go completely, wrapping an arm around his own torso instead.

Nathan noticed how he didn’t straighten completely. “You okay?”

Duke waved him off, “Yeah, nothing some painkillers and a couple drinks won’t fix.”

Nathan merely raised his eyebrows.

Duke rolled his eyes, “Fine, just some painkillers then. God, what are you, my mother?”

Most people probably would have backed off from a tone quite as churlish as that, but something in Nathan warmed unexpectedly, which he knew was completely ridiculous because he didn’t _feel_ true warmth from anything other than Audrey. But this at least was familiar territory again, something to restore a little bit of equilibrium.

“So, uh. Probably time to get out of here?” asked Duke, jabbing a finger towards the door.

Nathan recognised the embarrassed gesture for what it was, but he didn't call Duke on it any more than he was going to point out how much of a wreck he still looked. Duke didn’t wait for Nathan to answer, just turned around and pulled the door open, only to stumble right into the door jamb.

Nathan moved automatically, grabbing his shoulder with one hand and the crook of his elbow with the other before he could faceplant on the hallway floor.

“Okay. Maybe not quite on your own steam yet.”

Duke glared at him, but didn’t say anything as Nathan started to steer him toward the exit. Nor did he actually move, either.

"Duke..?"

Nathan turned assessing eyes on him, looking for signs of serious pain or weakness, wondering if he'd missed something in Duke's body language that suggested he was about to crash. He probably really should've been knocked out on painkillers ages ago.

But Duke had that faraway look in his eyes again that Nathan didn't really want to call haunted except that's exactly what it was. Duke seemed to realize Nathan had been watching him and snapped his attention back.

"What?"

Duke looked a little weirded out by the close scrutiny, but Nathan couldn't figure out if it was genuine discomfort or if he was just trying to distract from where his head had been at a moment ago. Nathan let it go. Things still weren't alright, not by a long shot, and he wasn’t naïve enough to think one pep talk would fix everything that was broken in Duke, but it was at least a start. Tonight had been a watershed for both of them- literally, in Duke's case- and Nathan didn't want to risk whatever tentative truce they'd formed by pushing too hard before Duke was ready. While he knew they weren't exactly going to start making a habit of this whole sharing and caring thing, Nathan at least hoped Duke knew now that he was willing to be a shoulder to lean on when Duke needed it. It was still way out if his comfort zone, and he couldn't promise that he would be any good at it, but if it helped even a little, Nathan would take it because even a beat up Duke was infinitely better than no Duke at all.

"Just wondering if you were planning on holding that wall up all night or...?"

"Shut up."

Duke made a point of pushing himself up again. Nathan just grinned and gestured in front of him, "Ladies first."

"Jackass," Duke grumbled, jabbing his elbow into Nathan's side as he stepped out into the hallway proper.

It didn't hurt of course, but he'd done it hard enough that Nathan's body instinctively bent into the hit. He decided to ignore the way Duke winced and almost immediately went back to shielding his ribs.

Nathan fell into step beside him and casually flung an arm around his shoulders. He decided it was perfectly okay to pretend it was _only_ to keep Duke upright.

It took them about ten minutes to get out of the hospital and for Nathan to get Duke bundled up in the passenger seat of the Bronco. Duke didn't so much complain as shoot Nathan a glare that could've burned a hole clean through him- which, considering where they lived, Nathan probably should've been more concerned about.

As it was, all he did was tell Duke to stay put, to which Duke waved a dismissive hand while Nathan jogged back up to the hospital to get some meds. He had to endure Lizzy raking a critical gaze over him as if trying to figure out what he'd done to himself _this_ time. He didn't bother to try explain that the painkillers he'd asked for weren't for himself (not that he'd needed any for a while anyway). He just wasn’t in the mood for anyone launching into yet another lecture about how he should take better care of himself.

When he got back to the Bronco, Duke was huddled about as close to the door as he could be, looking miserable disguised as I'm-still-pissed-off.

Nathan popped open the bottle of painkillers and shook out the correct dosage before handing them over. Duke was giving him a sideways glance, but otherwise sedately plucked the pills out of Nathan's waiting hand.

On any other day, Nathan might have braced himself for some sort of biting commentary about caring, but Duke seemed to have slipped into quiet complacency instead. Though, judging by his stiff posture and the careful way he was moving, he'd probably reached his limit, which was all the confirmation Nathan needed that he'd been right about not waiting before giving Duke the meds. Duke swallowed the pills down, took another sip of water before replacing the cap and depositing the bottle on the seat next to him.

"Thanks," he said quietly, looking out of the windshield instead of at Nathan.

Nathan leaned forward and turned the engine over, "Any time."

Maybe if they weren't looking at each other, they could both imagine they were just talking about the painkillers.

Nathan left the car idling for a few minutes for the heat. He didn't know if it was cold or not, but he'd learned enough driving around with Audrey in the cooler months to know the Bronco could get a little frosty. It also gave him a chance to check his phone before they left.

Sure enough, there was a text from Audrey. Two, actually.

_From: Audrey Parker_

_Hey. Decided to head home. Gonna keep an eye out at the Gull. Dwight's got some guys over at the Rouge. He's pretty pissed._

_19:06_

_From: Audrey Parker_

_Coffee and donuts for 3 @ your place tomorrow morning?_

_19:08_

Nathan grinned. Of course Audrey would know somehow that there was no way Nathan was taking him back someplace he'd be an easy target. Duke would probably be way less than happy knowing that Nathan was taking him back to his place, but Nathan honestly didn't give a damn _what_ Duke thought right now that it was a question of his safety.

That, and he didn't think Duke should be alone right now.

 _Sure. Stay safe._ He typed out. He knew Audrey could look after herself, but that didn't stop him wanting to be sure she'd be okay. She replied almost immediately.

_From: Audrey Parker_

_You too. Both of you._

_20:17_

Nathan smiled as he typed out a quick _Night, Parker_ in response before slipping his phone back into his pocket. He couldn't help but feel a little relieved that Audrey hadn't grilled him about what was going on and what had happened since he'd first gone to talk to Duke, even if her offer of coffee was both a way to let him know they'd definitely be talking about this at some point and an excuse to check on Duke, otherwise she would've just waited until they inevitably saw each other at the station.

He reached forward to turn the heat on and turned to Duke to let him know what Audrey had said. The words died on his lips.

Duke was somehow fast asleep, head against the glass of the window. Nathan snorted a laugh and shook his head. He patted Duke once on the knee before pulling out of the parking lot and heading home.  


End file.
